Growing Old

Growing old... it makes me sad to think about it. I mean... how long are we really supposed to live? God decides when our time on earth is over, but I pray that He will spare me a life of misery in my old age, whether it be mentally or physically. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and just celebrated her 85th birthday on September 13th. The kids and I visited her and took her a gift. She lives in the nursing home, and let me just say that that is a sad place. I don't know why, but for some reason that day... there were so many residents in the hallways etc., that were in a vegetative state, hooked up to oxygen, or sitting by the nurse's desk crying. When we got to Grandma's room she was laying on her bed and I could tell she was upset. She sat up and I hugged her and wished her a happy birthday, she said she forgot it was her birthday. She began to open her gift but stopped and began crying about a spat she had that morning with another resident regarding some weird looking angels that they were making out of neck ties. Apparently the lady thought that Grandma was bragging about her mad crafting skills or something because she had words with Grandma. It didn't end well and several hours later she was still crying about it and couldn't let it go. I apologized for the lady and said that she shouldn't let it upset her and ruin her birthday, but rather should remember that her family loves her and was there to wish her a happy birthday. She also got flowers that morning from my Mom, but she forgot that Mom had been there. She cried until we left. It was horribly depressing. It's such a helpless feeling, since there's really nothing we can do. She is so forgetful that she doesn't know she is in the nursing home. She keeps saying that "her mind is getting so bad she won't be surprised if she ends up in the nursing home."

We had a birthday party for her yesterday with our family, my parents and my uncle and aunt from Larned... we were there for over 2 hours and had ice cream and cake, we sang happy birthday, opened presents and visited and looked at pictures, she seemed to enjoy herself until she brought up the little neck tie angle incident again and was carrying on about it, my aunt told her to let it go and quit worrying about it, so she got upset, she was mad at me for not allowing her to take the rest of the cake to her room, and mad at my mom for saying that she doesn't have any room to bring more furniture into her tiny little room that she shares with a room mate. She was in such a tizzy that she didn't get to go out and enjoy dinner with her family for her birthday celebration. It makes me so sad, because at that point there is nothing anyone can say or do for her to make it better. The nurse came in the room right before my uncle left and she asked her ,"how was the birthday party?" Grandma said, "what birthday party?" A day later my aunt talked to the social services director at the home and she was told that Grandma was complaining about having nothing to live for because her family never comes to see her. (sigh)

The bible says that pure, undefiled religion is caring for widows and orphans. (James 1:27)
I pray that God will give me the wisdom and strength to be able to do this, because mentally and emotionally... it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.