Heartsick

I seriously feel heartsick today. There are so many things about this world that I don't understand, but this topic is the mother of all "I don't get it" 's. *sigh* I'll warn you... this is going to be a passionate post, so if you don't wanna hear it... that's up to you. I know it's controversial, but I'm goin' there. I have to.

I was in the kitchen this morning putting together some cupcakes and doggie birthday cake for my precious Shoogie's birthday party. She's 1 year old today!! :) Anyway, more on that later. Luke was in the bedroom getting dressed and watching FOX News as he does every morning, he yells down the hall..."Hey, Jami...guess what Obama's doin' today?" I'm thinking that I would have no idea, so I yell back, "what?". He informed me that a bill was being signed to overturn the bill that President Bush put in motion when he was president. Ya know, the one about the government funding abortions. UGH!!!! Are you serious? Our nation is in a financial crisis and we are going to give money (I believe the dollar amount was 3 billion) to people to "take care" of their "mistakes"?!! You have got to be kidding me. Obama supporters can argue all day long that he isn't big on abortion, but if this doesn't prove it, I don't know what does! He actually voted once for and twice didn't vote against - allowing partial birth abortion - in which babies that are still breathing and crying are left to die in a cold empty room - alone! I don't understand how anyone can saythat is OK. When pro-choicers are confronted with the subject of whether or not it is ok to take human life (aka abortion) many will argue that "you can't ban it because then people will just get abortions illegally, and what if the woman was raped?" Well... my response to that is... less than 1% of women that have abortions have been raped, statistics show that generally... the majority of women that are having abortions are doing it as a form of birth control as many of them have had multiple abortions.

Now here's where I start to get all sorts of wound up: Human rights vs. Animal rights.


I actually went online and looked up the animal rights laws for the great state of Kansas. Here's what I found (http://www.bullwrinkle.com/Assets/animallaws/kansaslaw.htm)

Kansas Anti-Cruelty Statutes
KANSAS STATUTES CHAPTER 21. CRIMES AND PUNISHMENTS
KANSAS CRIMINAL CODE (ARTICLES 31 TO 47)
PART II. PROHIBITED CONDUCT
ARTICLE 43. CRIMES AGAINST THE PUBLIC MORALS


21-4310. Cruelty to animals.
(a) Cruelty to animals is:

(1) Intentionally killing, injuring, maiming, torturing or mutilating any animal;


(2) abandoning or leaving any animal in any place without making provisions for its proper care;


(3) having physical custody of any animal and failing to provide such food, potable water, protection from the elements, opportunity for exercise and other care as is needed for the health or well-being of such kind of animal; or


(4) intentionally using a wire, pole, stick, rope or any other object to cause an equine to lose its balance or fall, for the purpose of sport or entertainment.


So let me get this straight... intentionally killing, injuring, maiming, torturing or mutilating any animal or abandoning or leaving any animal in any place without making provisions for its proper care isn't ok, but doing this to an unborn child is ok? Now I ask you, what is wrong with this world? A cat is protected, but human life is not. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm an animal lover, I practically kiss Shoogie and the cats until I get a hairball, so don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be animal cruelty laws, but what I get so sick about is that first part of the animal cruelty law where it says that it's against the law to, "intentionally kill, injure, maim, torture or mutilate an animal... and then our president wants to give our tax dollars to women so that they can do the same thing to unborn babies. I've seen abortion videos, there's no doubt about it... it is all those things! SICK SICK SICK. It makes me feel like vomiting. Furthermore, if someone kills a pregnant woman, it is double manslaughter. I find it interesting how the "fetus" suddenly then becomes a "baby". But if the Momma wants to kill it herself by having an abortion - NO PROBLEM! It's her choice afterall. I feel so helpless that nothing can be done to change this. The one thing I CAN do is pray - so I will.


Well, this is what is on my mind and on my heart today. Thanks for listening. :)





Precious





Far more precious!

Trojan Horse

UGH! I feel really annoyed this morning. I'm considering singing a song for our Christmas program at church. "Adoration" by the Newsboys. So, I went online to download the song so I could listen to it and see if I could swing it or not... 3 times in 5 minutes I had to shut down my computer because of.... (drum roll please...) STUPID TROJAN HORSE!!


Trojan horse From Wikipedia
This article refers to a form of malware in computing terminology. For other meanings, see Trojan Horse (disambiguation)In the context of computing and software, a Trojan horse, also known as a trojan, is malware that appears to perform a desirable function but in fact performs undisclosed malicious functions. Therefore, a computer worm or virus may be a Trojan horse. The term is derived from the classical story of the Trojan Horse.


I kept getting the box of death saying the the Trojan Horse virus was found on my computer then I had to click the button to tell it to "clean all". Of course a restart is required every time this happens. SERIOUSLY!! I just feel so irritated that I'm trying to listen to a Christian song and have to get a virus. Why do people use their brains for evil? I never could understand this... if you're smart enough to write code to destroy people's computers or at least damage them... why wouldn't you use that talent to do something amazingly good? It's beyond me.

So, I don't know. Will I sing adoration at our Christmas "dinner show"? We'll see.

I mean no disrespect Mr. President...

but I felt inclined to post a picture that expressed how I'm feeling this morning (minus a couple of horns)



I felt anxious as I switched on Fox News and saw that Obama had been declared President. Sick actually. But my vote was cast and the voices that are the loudest (those of the large, liberal eastern states) were heard and so I hope that President Obama is everything these people wish for him to be. Now his wife can FINALLY "be proud to be an American" for the first time ever. (note hint of sarcasm - and yes, she actually said that, and I quote, “for the first time in my adult lifetime I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.” Michelle Obama) *sigh*

I, for one, will be seeking God's face on the matter and begging him to intercede on behalf of this great nation. It's totally in his hands.

"Ahh Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm... NOTHING is too hard for you." (Jeremiah 32:17)

Whatsoever you do to the least of my people...

That you do unto me. Regret. Guilt. These are things I feel when I think about the opportunity I had and didn't take (on the advice of my husband). We pulled into downtown Denver - 16th street mall, to be exact. FABULOUS! Hardrock Cafe here we come!! We had just spent 2 glorious days in the mountains and we park the car to see the man in the photo. A shabby man. A sad man. A hungry and thirsty man - probably a lonely, homeless man.We sat and watched him through our dirty windows. He had his shopping cart and was filling it with "treasures" he was finding in the trash can. Clearly things put there by blessed people like me who had plenty and didn't mind throwing away perfectly good stuff, or half eaten stuff. So he dug,and chose for himself the things that he apparently thought "looked good". Then I saw it and that is when my heart started to break. He pulled out a half drank bottle of water, examined it, then opened it and drank from it. My heart sank, I entered a state of disbelief of what I had just seen. I'd never seen anyone do this in all my 37 (soon to be 38) years. I was burdened and overcome with sadness for this man. I instantly said, "we've got a cooler full of cold drinks, I should give him a water." Luke said, "No... we don't want to get something started, you don't know... he will follow us all over."

Now I don't know if that's true, but what I do know is true is that I spent $12.00 on fudge at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and this man was drinking discarded water out of the trash can. Wow. I can't forgive myself. I can't stop thinking about how I could have given him a fresh cool drink, not to mention fed him that left over sandwich in our cooler. "When I was thirsty you gave me a drink, when I was hungry, you gave me food to eat... whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto me". (Matthew- paraphrased)This keeps running through my mind and I keep asking God to forgive me for not sharing with this man. Sharing my food and water, and maybe even sharing God's love. I think I've learned my lesson.

My Dad. Cancer. These 2 things just don't belong in the same sentence.

We had a spectacular time in the mountains of Colorado. It was beautiful and I can't wait to share more about it along with some pix. But first things first... before we left the cabin on Saturday, Luke called my mom to check in. She wondered if I had gotten her message on my cell phone. Luke explained that there's no cell service in the mountains. This is when we got the news. My dad had passed a blood clot when he went to the bathroom on Friday. This is the second time that happened in 3 months. The first time he didn't think it was that big of a deal I guess, but decided that if it happened again he would get medical attention. So Friday he called the doctor and they said to come in right away. They ran tests and discovered that Dad has a tumor on his bladder. They thought it was only a couple of centimeters at this point, but said that it definitely needed to be removed and that surgery would be scheduled for Monday, June 30th.

So yesterday was the surgery. He checked in at 9:30 a.m., but the surgery didn't begin until 11:05. It was a long wait and dad's not incredibly patient, he just wanted to get it overwith. We had several family members waiting with us and the surgery went pretty quick. We got a little nervous when we were called back only about 20 minutes after the surgery began, but the surgeon said everything went well. The tumor was actually much larger than they originally thought - it was about the size of a walnut. This is when Dr. Werth gave the worst news yet - "it was definately cancerous." He told us that he removed the tumor plus a little more tissue just to be sure. Thankfully they were able to do this via laser rather than to have to open him up. He came out of surgery in good spirits, but Dad is a "no nonsense" kinda guy and really hated everyone fussing over him. He just wanted to get out of there!They injected some chemotherapy medication into his bladder to kill off any cells that may have been lingering after the surgery. This was uncomfortable for him, cuz he kept feeling like he had to "go", but had to keep those meds in there for an hour! Once they drained the chemo meds, he was told that he would have to be able to urinate on his own before he could leave. This took forever! Even though he drank what seemed like tons of water, he just had such a hard time, but he finally was able to void and they discharged him. I was kinda surprised that it was an outpatient procedure. Seemed more serious to me!He went home at 3:30 p.m.

So he got home and again had problems urinating. He ended up in the E.R. around 9:30 p.m. and returned home after midnight. Apparently he had several bloodclots that were causing blockage and preventing him from being able to urinate. Poor guy! They had to irrigate and sent him home with a catheter for a few days until the bladder and all it's associated parts settle down from the surgery and begin to work on their own. I just feel so bad for him, cuz he's a tough guy, you know? He never gets sick and now he's dealing with all this. The worst of it is waiting for the lab work to come back, which we're told could take a week or so. So now we wait. The tumor has been sent in to determine whether it was surface or invasive (meaning that it has crept deeper into the tissue)If it is invasive then they will have to remove the bladder. This is his worst fear - so we are praying that they got all of the tumor and that it hasn't spread. I can't imagine my tough dad with a catheter bag for the rest of his life. Breaks my heart to think about it, but God is so much bigger than all this and I find comfort in the fact that he loves my dad even more than any of us do and that he has his hand on him through this time of uncertainty. We ask you to join us in praying for him to be healed completely and also for that "peace that surpasses all understanding that guards our hearts and minds through Christ, Jesus." (Phillipians 4)Thanks in advance, it means so much!

Swingtown... Sickening

There's a new show airing on CBS the first week of June and it makes me sick every time the trailer plays. It's called SWINGTOWN, and based on what I've seen so far (I've no desire to see the show)it just makes my stomach turn.


Here's what CBS says about it's upcoming "crowd pleaser":
"SWINGTOWN, from the director of "Big Love" and "Rome," traces two generations of friends and neighbors as they forge intimate connections and explore new freedoms during the culturally transformative decade of the 1970s. It portrays the ever-shifting “swing” of the pendulum that reflected the change in America's collective value system -- morally, politically and socially.After moving to an upscale lakeside Chicago suburb in July of 1976, Susan and Bruce Miller must confront temptation in the form of their provocative new neighbors, Tom and Trina Decker, while not abandoning their old friends Janet and Roger Thompson. As the adult couples evaluate whether to embrace or avoid newfound personal freedoms, the curious Miller and Thompson children begin to discover and assert their own morality and sexual identities as they come of age in a world on the precipice of change. In a shifting social climate -- defined by its music, fashion and style -- everyone in SWINGTOWN is confronted with personal choices, experimentation and varying attitudes."

TV.COM says: "This new period drama takes viewers back to the 1970s for a look at suburban households testing the murky waters of sexual revolution following swingers throughout open marriages, "key parties" and other swingers extravaganzas"

Seriously... and we wonder why there is no value placed on marriage these days?!! What message is this sending to our teenagers? In a world where "everyone is 'doing it'" - we are sending out yet another message that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping around... and worse yet, that it's ok to be unfaithful in marriage. DISGUSTING! I'm totally disappointed in CBS for airing such garbage.Of course I have a choice about what I allow into my home, and this show (among others) will not be viewed on the Hespe's TV. Makes me wonder... what's next?

Atheism... I just don't "get" it.

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?"
Romans 10:14





I see evidence of God everywhere; in a flower, in a sunset, in the smile or laughter of one of my children. I feel his presence in my life in such a real way that it can't be mistaken or denied. The photo above is of me and my precious baby nephew, Wyatt. I love that little guy. When I met him for the first time, I really examined him and took him in... all of him - every tiny little fingernail, the folds in his ears, his perfect lips. Just the sweetness of him. I held him and kissed him and there was no doubt in my mind that God made him. How else could he be so perfect?

Lately I have been burdened. A weight so heavy on my heart that I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I know a young girl that doesn't believe God exists. I just can't wrap my mind around it. when I question the things she says and does, her attitudes... I have to remind myself that it's not reasonable to expect a Godless person to behave in a Godly manner. Yet, it's still so frustrating to me. Conversations regarding marriage, abortion, creation... everything that is so important to me and to God - is completely meaningless to her, and I just don't know what to do with that... so I pray for understanding for her. That she would know the joy and peace that comes from a belief and relationship with Him. I may never know if she changes her mind about God, but what I do know is that she hears the truth from me - undiluted. That's hard for her sometimes I think, and it confuses her - yet she is drawn to it. It breaks my heart to think there are people in this world that don't know him. But my God can do impossible things - and my hope, everything that I am is because of Him.

"Ah Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm... nothing is too hard for you!"
Jeremiah 32:17

Growing Old

Growing old... it makes me sad to think about it. I mean... how long are we really supposed to live? God decides when our time on earth is over, but I pray that He will spare me a life of misery in my old age, whether it be mentally or physically. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and just celebrated her 85th birthday on September 13th. The kids and I visited her and took her a gift. She lives in the nursing home, and let me just say that that is a sad place. I don't know why, but for some reason that day... there were so many residents in the hallways etc., that were in a vegetative state, hooked up to oxygen, or sitting by the nurse's desk crying. When we got to Grandma's room she was laying on her bed and I could tell she was upset. She sat up and I hugged her and wished her a happy birthday, she said she forgot it was her birthday. She began to open her gift but stopped and began crying about a spat she had that morning with another resident regarding some weird looking angels that they were making out of neck ties. Apparently the lady thought that Grandma was bragging about her mad crafting skills or something because she had words with Grandma. It didn't end well and several hours later she was still crying about it and couldn't let it go. I apologized for the lady and said that she shouldn't let it upset her and ruin her birthday, but rather should remember that her family loves her and was there to wish her a happy birthday. She also got flowers that morning from my Mom, but she forgot that Mom had been there. She cried until we left. It was horribly depressing. It's such a helpless feeling, since there's really nothing we can do. She is so forgetful that she doesn't know she is in the nursing home. She keeps saying that "her mind is getting so bad she won't be surprised if she ends up in the nursing home."

We had a birthday party for her yesterday with our family, my parents and my uncle and aunt from Larned... we were there for over 2 hours and had ice cream and cake, we sang happy birthday, opened presents and visited and looked at pictures, she seemed to enjoy herself until she brought up the little neck tie angle incident again and was carrying on about it, my aunt told her to let it go and quit worrying about it, so she got upset, she was mad at me for not allowing her to take the rest of the cake to her room, and mad at my mom for saying that she doesn't have any room to bring more furniture into her tiny little room that she shares with a room mate. She was in such a tizzy that she didn't get to go out and enjoy dinner with her family for her birthday celebration. It makes me so sad, because at that point there is nothing anyone can say or do for her to make it better. The nurse came in the room right before my uncle left and she asked her ,"how was the birthday party?" Grandma said, "what birthday party?" A day later my aunt talked to the social services director at the home and she was told that Grandma was complaining about having nothing to live for because her family never comes to see her. (sigh)

The bible says that pure, undefiled religion is caring for widows and orphans. (James 1:27)
I pray that God will give me the wisdom and strength to be able to do this, because mentally and emotionally... it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.