Many are the plans in a man's heart...

But it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (proverbs 19:21)

Yeah, we've had lots of plans - we want to finish our fenced in patio, pour a sidewalk from the house to the machine shed, plant some trees, redo our main bath - complete with a tub deep enough for soaking, replace the deteriorating shower in our master bath, get new carpet on the main floor, finish the basement and the most exciting of them all - for our vacation this year... take our kids for 2 "firsts": first time on an airplane and first seeing the ocean. Well... those were the plans WE had, but it doesn't look like these things will happen. I pray that the Lord does have a purpose in this. I'm reminding myself to be anxious for nothing... but I find myself feeling quite anxious. I woke up the other morning dizzy and nauseous and this doesn't happen very often, but when it does it seems I am nearly always stirred up about something big or a lot of little somethings.

We are the kind of family that has to work very hard for what we have and while we live a comfortable life and our NEEDS are always met, the finances are usually pretty tight. My husband's company announced recently that they would no longer be matching 401K. FOOEY. That kinda stinks because they already told him that nobody gets the bonuses or pay raises they were promised. With the economy as is, we are sincerely grateful that we have a source of income right now - many people have been laid off and are losing their homes and can't find work and have no idea how they will even provide for their family. It breaks my heart that times are so tough. I thought that after Christmas when my sales were so fantastic and I heard complaints all around about how sales were down. I guess I shouldn't have been so foolish to think that it wouldn't catch up with us too - lots of people are hurtin'.

For whatever reason (divine subliminal thoughts?) I got it in my mind this last week that I should begin looking for a part time job. I know, I am running my soap business... but it would seem that people are buying necessities more than "extras" right now so things have been pretty slow for me. My January sales were just sad and I actually felt concerned about how the dollars would stretch - but I made it ok and am praying that things begin looking up for February and the months to follow into the spring. I don't know... I just feel I need to be smart about this and I am capable of contributing to this family, so why not? So, I talked to honey man about it and of course he doesn't love the idea of me going out and looking for work, but realizes that it really would help our family. We've got a child getting ready to start college in the fall and wow... it's a bit overwhelming. I got online and found some job openings for part time office positions that I thought looked promising. All applications and resumes have been submitted, so now I guess I just wait for someone to decide they are impressed by my credentials and call me for an interview. It's been a seriously long time since I've applied for a job (about 5 years) so I had to update my resume. This presented a challenge because I couldn't remember specific dates. Geesh... some of these work experiences were a loooong time ago. But... I did get it done and got them sent off for all 5 potential positions.

The day after I made the decision to look for part time work it became clear to me why I felt the need to do this. Honey got a call saying that all employees in his company will be taking a 5% pay cut. WHAT?? pay CUT??? UGH!!! You cannot be serious. I guess for a couple of days I just felt numb about it like... "what can we do... they took away our retirement, now they're taking away $$" I think it's finally sinking in. We called and had our investment company quit taking $ out of our paycheck to put into 401K. It really kinda makes me sick, because one day we are going to need that, but we need it now to supplement what's been taken away. You just do what you gotta do, right? Surely the Lord has a fabulous plan and his purpose will prevail in the end! I trust that it will, because he has been proven faithful to our family time and again. Praise Him for that!!

Looking at the glass half full... they are cutting back travel expenses and my man will only travel away from home 1 week out of the next 4, I guess that's good. Ok, that maybe lightens the blow a little. ?? Trying to think positive here. :) Please pray for my potential job opportunities, and especially for my husband, that he wouldn't be angry and discouraged, and that our needs will continue to be met and that our eyes are wide open to what it is that we're supposed to be learning or gaining from this trial. Right now it just feels like a trial and not a blessing - but my prayer is that God will turn it into one in His time.

Grandma Fisher... I miss her so much!

My walk down memory lane comes early this week. Today marks the 8th anniversary of my Grandma Fisher's death. I can't even express how much I miss her. After my parents married, they purchased a single wide mobile home and parked it in the side yard at my grandparents house, our front door opened up to the lilac bushes that Grandma loved so much, and that I love and remember her by. As a baby I spent a lot of time with Grandma Fisher. Whenever Mom and Dad went out, I stayed with Grandpa and Grandma, or when mom was busy and I was being a pain, she would hand me off to Granny. Grandma kept all of us kids, anytime our parents needed a sitter - she never complained about keeping her grandkids - to her it was a joy. I honestly don't really know how many years we lived out there, but I know that as a toddler and a very young girl I loved living there. I remember catching fire flies and playing with kitties, helping Grandma pick blackberries or veggies from the garden. When we picked blackberries we would turn over a bucket or a coffee can and sit on it, I thought that was pretty neat. I liked to eat the berries while we were picking! I also thought it was great when she let me pump the water to quench the garden. When I was a little older she took me on walks down the chalk road and we would pick mulberries and bring them home, then I would help wash them and she would bake a pie. I always loved that when there was crust left over she would roll it out and butter it then sprinkle it with cinnamon and sugar. Oh my goodness... they were so yummy!! Grandma also took me and my cousins fishing down at the creek and we fished with bamboo poles. I loved spending time with Grandma. She was the best cook... and she passed a lot of her recipes and cooking methods down to me directly and also through my mom - who taught me even more. Gotta love that German food. MMM HMM ... can you say dumplings?!

This is me as a little bug... about 4 years old and sitting on Grandma's lap - you can tell from her smile how please she was with herself for growing a 15 pound canteloup. :)

I almost cropped myself out of this photo because I look so creepy... but I love Grandma's smile in this picture. This is the smile I saw every time she greeted me when I visited her out at the farm, or when she came around the corner from the kitchen. That's how I remember her. She was such a loving, beautiful person. Always so humble, she was just genuinely kind and good. She was grateful for everything anyone did for her and for what she had. She appreciated the simple things in life, especially her family. It didn't take much to make her happy - she was always content. Goodness I adored that woman. Side note: Don'tchya love Grandpa's little smirk and his farmer overalls? :)

This photo is of Grandma admiring her first great grandbaby, Ciara. She looks so proud. I can just hear her voice, "Oh Jame, she's cuuuute." :) She was the best Grandma ever... if you look up the word "Grandmother" in the dictionary, it would say "see also - Anna Mary Fisher". She was the epitomy of Granny. She would take her grandbabies in at a moment's notice. I still remember being hauled to the farm at what seemed like the middle of the night in my little flowered night gown because Mom was goin' to the hospital to deliver my brother. I never ever minded being babysat by Grandma. She always had some kind of remedy for your sickness too. If I said I had a tummy ache, she would have me lay down on the couch, then she would put a little white candle on a penny and set it on my belly button - then light it and place a juice glass over it. This formed a suction and always seemed to make tummies feel better somehow. I'm guessing that the cure was possibly psychological? :)

This was taken of my precious gramps and granny at their 60th wedding anniversary. Who would have thought that only a few short years later we would have to say goodbye? The strangest thing is that her death was ultimately caused by complications from a knee surgery. The knee became infected and a surgery was done to remove the infection. She came out of that surgery with a bowel obstruction. Doctors thought that she was too weak to endure another surgery to remove the obstruction, but it had to be done. Then it happened, the organs began to fail. It was just the saddest thing ever. She was in the hospital for less than 2 weeks before her family witnessed her last breath. That was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, but after watching her suffer for days, I was grateful that the Lord spared her. Ciara was upset that I wouldn't let her go into the ICU room to see Grandma before she passed away, but I didn't want the kids to remember her the way she was in that hospital room with all the tubes and equipment. It was heartbreaking to see. I choose to remember that smile I talked about earlier... the smile I saw when Grandma came around the corner from the kitchen with a dish towel in her hand and greeted me with a hug. She was always so warm and welcoming - always happy to see her family that meant so much to her. I love to remember how she would laugh at Luke when he was being goofy, how she exclaimed that "the potatoes were a little undercooked" when she ate chinese food for the first time and tasted waterchestnuts. But most of all I love to remember how she loved on me and my brother and cousins, and then later... my own babies. She is everything a Grandma should be and I'm grateful that I had her in my life for 30 years to model how to be a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother.

I love you Granny... and I can't wait to see you again one day when we meet in heaven! :)

Winter Blahs or Bummed Out?

Not sure why, but I've just been feelin' kinda bummed out lately. Maybe it's because I've been diggin' through Ciara's baby pictures, talking about college, filling out financial aid paperwork and helping Ciara apply for tons of scholarships. :( It's a bit overwhelming. Just the list of "to do's" . I feel that I'm truly embracing the new season of life our family is entering into... so why do I feel so sad about it? She's my first born and in just a few short months she will be old enough to go out into the world on her own... and my baby boy is shaving... UGH!! Ok... so in my head I accept it - but in my heart... there could be a bit of a struggle. I think it's hitting me because the months and years have passed by so quickly that I fear in a snap my kids will be gone. I realize this is the natural progression of things... I also realize now how my "older" friends were feeling when they were watching their kids graduate and move out of the nest. One never truly comprehends it until they are going through it themself. I have 1 more year with Ciara as she has agreed to live at home for her freshman year at FHSU. I'm so thankful for that!! I think it will make me feel better about sending her out when her dad and I have had this time to train her to live independently and handle finances.

I think it doesn't help that the weather has been so icky. We've had a few nice days... but generally it's been cold and windy. I'm just ready for some fresh air and sunshine. I was discussing my blahs with honeyman last night before bed and he said that February is the month most people get depressed because they're experiencing cabin fever. Hmm... makes sense to me.

Anyway... please pray for me... for my heart - that I'll be able to let go and cope with my babies bein' all grown up. :) I love 'em so much. "To everything there is a season"... I know I will enjoy having that time with Luke too, once they move out - but for now my heart is in transition. Just need a little help with that. :)

The Sale Barn... I lived there y'all

Yep... this is where it all happened. The livestock auction center here in Hays, also known as the "Sale Barn". My dad was the yard foreman here for about 5 years or so. He took care of the grounds and was basically in charge of "sale" day, which was every wednesday. He loaded and unloaded cattle, fed animals, fixed fence, painted the barn, supervised the help on sale day, you name it... he did it! My dad was a hero - we loved following him around everywhere. Below is a photo of the front of the Sale Barn. It was a totally cool place and as kids, my brother and I spent lots of time in there! When we moved there Jarrod was 3 and I was 7 - we were best buddies.

If you wanna see the photos larger - just click on 'em!

My mom cleaned the building, so I got to help. Oh yay! I actually liked it though unless she made me clean the men's restroom. GROSS! Those guys were pigs and I nearly lost my lunch every time I had to clean urinals, though it was fun to put in a new urinal cake and flush a few dozen times to watch all the bubbles come up. When you walk in the front of this building you are in the lobby. To the right would be the offices where you pay for purchases or consign your animals that you wanna sell. To the left was the cafe. They had good, greasy food and lots of pop and candy! It was a child's dream, as the owner said we could have all the pop and candy we wanted for FREE (mom made us be sensible though). Les was a nice guy. Then if you go straight ahead... you walk up some steps and that's where the action was. The auction arena and the auction box. My brother and I would pretend that we were auctioneers and would turn on the microphone and yell in there while the other one of us was down on the floor in the ring yelling "Yep... yep!" as if we were taking bids. ha ha. What a hoot. It was great fun. Once my brother was the auctioneer and being a little guy he was pretty darn cute. He had his mouth right up to the microphone "humuhnuh, humuhnuh, humuhnuh... hep!" , then he says, "SOLD MY MOM, FOR TWO DOLLARS!" Whoa, that was the deal of the century, I didn't know mom was so "cheap". ha ha.

We didn't actually LIVE at the sale barn, we lived in a double wide trailer up on the hill, (to the left in the photo) you can see from the photo the short distance between our home and the auction barn. The spot where our house once stood is now a Veterinary Clinic. Weird! When I look at that building, I still see my white house with the evergreens out front. We'd look out the window and yell, "Dad... there's a truck coming in!" He'd have to get his boots and coat on and head out to help unload all hours of the day. Sometimes trucks came in really late at night. They would have "nut fries" and different parties there that kids weren't invited to and once Mom told me I should stay at the house and babysit Jarrod, but I didn't want to... so he informed mom that he would babysit ME! Um, yeah, ok. :) I was probably too young to be left alone, but they were right down the hill if we needed them. Pretty crazy stuff.

What you see here is a little closer view of where our house would have been. We played lots of catch, baseball and tag on this lot. There used to be a huge sign here that had the name of the business and said "Action by Auction - Sale every Wednesday. " Of course the sign was home base.

All of this sand was our playground. Where all the fencing and chutes are there by the building is where our garage and driveway was. My brother learned to ride a bike down that hill, we took cart and pony rides there with our white pony, Marty, we rode our little Honda mini trail - mini bike and walked and played with our goat, Billy. On that very driveway, my mom ran over our cat, Tom - who actually turned out to be female and gave birth to a litter of kittens. ha ha.

The steel walk way you see there leading from the dock to the inside of the barn is what was referred to as the "catwalk". Not sure why... but you can see how playing pirates would be fun on that! It was our ship. We would find ear tags for the cattle in the dock house and drop them down the posts and listen to them drop all the way down - that was our admit ticket onto the "ship". My cousins, Troy and Kim would come over for a visit and then we had 4 to play. She was always Captain Cook and I was Captain Hook. Creepy... but dang that was a blast!

This is the dock where drivers would unload their livestock and check it in. The dock house was a warm, dry place for the hands to do their paperwork, etc. but as kids, we thought it was for our good pleasure. Once my cousin Kim and I were playing in there and she stood on a bucket of tar to get some ear tags off the shelf and knocked that tar bucket over. OOPS! We got it on our matching windbreakers. She put hers in the burn barrel so her mom wouldn't find it and I hid mine in the closet. ha ha. Oh, the logic of a child. This is also the dock where we made our newspaper debut. Kim was spending the day with us and it was wednesday so it was sale day... but it was raining so if we were going to run all around checking out the excitement, we would have to use an umbrella. Well my brother, the third amigo, was with us and we were standing on the dock in the rain, all 3 of us under the umbrella - my brother blew a big bubble with his bubble gum and coincidentally someone from the local newspaper got a snapshot of that. We made the front page, "Bubbles in the rain". So cute. I think my mom still has that clipping in the seat of her sewing cabinet. Fun times. One of our favorite things is that the cooks from the cafe would send food out to the docks for the guys, and there would usually be a candybar or 2 left over after sale day. If we'd go there thursday morning, it was like checking the Easter Basket... "LOOK... THERE'S CANDY BARS!!!!" :)

This spot is nothing but gravel now, but it used to be where they stacked the hay bales and piled the dead animals that were waiting for the rendering truck to come and pick them up. I know... gross! But it was kinda fun to see the bloated cows, etc. You know how curious kids can be! Climbing the bales was a great time! I did have a hay allergy though, and would usually return home broke out in hives. The best thing about those bales is that the momma kitties would usually hide there babies in there so we could sit on the bales and hold kittens. Loved it! Kinda made me feel sad to drive by there and see that it was just sand. But I can still envision it just as it was in the 70's. :)

I took these photos on Monday and there were actually already cattle there for the upcoming sale. This one gave me a "whatchyou lookin' at?" expression so I snapped a photo. Kinda cute isn't he?

There used to be a vet building to the east of here... but I think they tore it down when they replaced our house with a Veterinary Clinic. We liked to go in there and pretend to be animal doctors, especially if there was a sick animal in there. This is the dock house and loading chute on the south side. My brother and I would take turns in that chute. We'd crank it up and let it go and that was the "elevator" game. ha ha. We also liked to walk that little plank alongside the chute and help dad load hogs by zapping them with the "hot shot" if they weren't moving. Dang... could life get any sweeter for a kid?

This run you see here is where my horse Marty dragged me for about 25 feet in the mud and muck because he took off when I still had one foot in the stirrup trying to get on the saddle. Grr. It shredded my new orange pants! :) After that I was a little bit afraid of him, but dad made me get back on and ride, then I was ok.

The place is in horrible shape. My dad would have never allowed it to look like this! Rusty fence, piles of scrap, pieces of the building falling off. He was meticulous about keeping the grounds and facility up. They were lucky to have him as the foreman, I'm pretty sure he was underpaid for all the work he did.

My best memories from childhood are from this place. Glorious isn't it? Wow... I wish you could see this playground through the eyes of a child, it was fabulous!