Brainstorm

My brain truly does work like this, sad, but true ... these thoughts are all swirling around in my head, consecutively and constantly:

Wow... I'm having a good hair day! :)

• 
  Geesh, I wish the wind would STOP already!
• I sure wish today was June 1st.
• Hope Ciara remembers to drop off that scholarship application after school!
• I don't wanna walk across the yard to go let mom's puppy out today in this wind.
• Ooh... Y&R is on!
• I'm hungry.
• Those beef and mozzarella sandwiches were awesome last nite.
• I'm cold.
• I should go put on a sweatshirt.
• I wish the housekeeping fairy would stop by, my house is in dissaray!
• I think I might spend too much time on the computer??
• Sugar needs a bath.
• Yup, there's still a load of clothes in the dryer, maybe I can take care of that while I watch Y&R! YES!
• I'm so glad to be back in touch with some old friends - thank you facebook.
• Today's my brother's birthday - 35!
• Hope my brother finds a job soon.
• Praying I'll get a call for an interview on that administrator job I applied for with the disabled transportation organization.
• Wonder if Brandon got his make-up work done before school today.
• How did Ciara's journalism grade drop from an A to a B+? Writing is her THING.
• Not feeling like gettin' up at 5 a.m. to get Brandon on a bus in the morning for the cattle judging ag trip. (blech)
• Luke flies out again tomorrow... this time to Dallas. Hope he has a safe trip - gonna miss him again.
• Thursday night, "Survivor" AND "The Office" - oh yeah!
• What shows are on wednesday nites?
• Graduation... I hope everything works out with the reception and food and ... and ... and.
• Prom, got the dress, got the tux, what will we do with Ciara's hair?
• Why don't my kids want their parents at afterprom? (perplexed expression) :S
• I miss living in Newton.
• What to do with the business?
• I need to make a trip into town to run errands and ship an order... don't really wanna in this wind. Ok, so I won't... I'll do it tomorrow, it'll surely be nice tomorrow.
• I want SPRING! (today would be good)
• Wish my man didn't have to work so hard.
• We need to have a date soon.
• Aww... puppy looks so cute curled up on the couch.
• I should really be doing something constructive, like perhaps placing that supply order.

Ok... I better scoot. But you can be rest assured the storm will be goin' on in my brain all day. :)

Lemonade Award

I had the best surprise waiting for me in my inbox today... it was an email from Linda at "Truthful Tidbits" informing me that I had been chosen for the Lemonade Award. The award is given to those that display an attitude of gratitude and make lemonade out of life's lemons. Linda is such an awesome woman of God and it has been an incredible blessing getting to know her. Linda is an excellent story teller and I love to read all about her life experiences and insights. I find her to be such a great inspiration and encouragement. Somehow (by divine intervention I should think) she always knows just what to say to me to lift my spirits and make me feel loved. Go check out her blog - I promise you'll be blessed!

I was very humbled and flattered by the words Linda shared about me -

"Sold out to Jesus! Married to the love of her life, Luke. Mom to two great teenagers who keep her young. She calls herself "spazzy", I call her fun and invigorating. Heart of gold! Always tuned in to people's needs. Daily offering prayers and encouragement to all of her blogger friends. Love her lots!"

Thanks Linda!! You are just precious and I love you lots too! :) Again, I'm honored to accept this sweet award and pray that I'd be worthy by always doing my best to display at attitude of gratitude. :)

Beautiful to God

If you'd like to know more about Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane... click on the box above. All are welcome to join in the fun!

I had my walk down memory lane this morning as I ventured through old blog posts. I came across this post from last July, and marveled once again at God's unconditional love. I was sick yesterday and am still feeling kinda "mealy" today... so here I sit in sweats looking lovely as ever [;)] and just felt compelled to share this most valuable message of God's unconditional love, I've tweaked the post just a bit, adding a few more thoughts and re-wording others, but here goes:

Beautiful to God


This was the name of my bible study lesson this morning. I had an interesting time chewing on this one. The author gives this verse before the study even begins:"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:2-3 NIV

I find it interesting that scripture says Jesus wasn't beautiful in the eyes of man so that people would be drawn to him only by his spirit, not his physical beauty. I am so humbled by that. I want for people to be able to say, "Wow! She's a beautiful person" not because of what they see when they look at me, but because of the KIND of person I am. I want others to see a beautiful heart. I think before I became a Christian, I was of the attitude that physical appearance was vital and what others thought of me, the way I looked... was so important. That attitude was a sign of my immaturity and now I see it as vanity. Since I've been blessed with my 2 beautiful children, I've struggled with my weight and sometimes that bums me out. I'm not the skinny "girl" my husband married, but he still loves me and more importantly - the Lord loves me, just as I am. No conditions. The world is such a cruel place sometimes, so much importance is placed on physical beauty but the bible says "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) Thanks for that God!! In a world full of "model-esque" skinny, large chested, blonde haired girls with orange tans - God says that I'm beautiful because he looks at my heart, not my physical appearance. Really what he thinks of me is all that matters when you get down to it - that sure takes a load off. I think trying to look your best is great, but obsessing about your looks or your size just to impress others is pointless. That's not to say that we shouldn't strive to be healthy... but I sometimes wonder why people are surprised that we have so many young women with eating disorders - when such an emphasis is placed on looking like celebrities or super models.

I get annoyed (down right indignant, actually) when I hear people put down others because of their size or especially their color. It may be hard to believe, but I actually know people that do this. Love a person for who they ARE, not what they LOOK LIKE. To look down on someone because of their race is just sick and wrong. I wanna scream to that person, "what makes you superior!!??" Surely not their "white" skin. I guess I would have to say that I believe God is color blind. He just doesn't care if we are green, white, black, red or fuschia. We are made perfect in Christ and he will love us regardless of all the imperfections that the world is so ready to list about us. Anyway... I get really fired up about the subject of discrimination and racism - but whenever I have the opportunity I share my 2 cents with the people I feel I can share it with, as for the others... I pray that I would muster up the courage one day to be bold and stand up to them and open up their eyes to the truth, and the truth is this: God loves us exactly the way we are. We don't have to change our hair, bleach our skin, get rid of our glasses, lose 20 pounds or even try to zap our zits, he loves us "as is." Afterall... he made us and "God doesn't make junk". He says that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." (in HIS image - no less!)

I'm thankful for this reminder today, because it's always good to know that our worth should not be measured by the world, but by God. Afterall, he's not looking at my clothing size or what brand of shirt I'm wearing... he's looking at my heart. I can't begin to understand God's unconditional love, but I'm so thankful for it!! The author finished the study with this statement:

"I pray when we look in the mirror, we will learn to see what God sees and love who He loves."

Indeed! :) I just want you to know... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

Catching Up...

The last couple of weeks I haven't felt like I really had anything worth blogging about, but when I think about it - there's always SOMETHING to share. This morning I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous. UGH. As luck would have it, this was the day I was to drive Luke to the airport to catch a flight to California for a business trip that's keeping him away for the rest of the week. He drove to the airport and graciously offered to let me just drive home rather than wait for his flight with him. I really was wanting to have that last little bit of time with my man, but must admit I was relieved when he told me he thought I should just go on home since I wasn't feeling well. It seemed like traffic went on forever. I finally got home and couldn't wait to get back into jammies so I could lie down and make the room stop spinning. YUCK. Suddenly it became clear to me that I wouldn't rest with all the rumbling and wooziness going on in my tummy. I did get sick twice and couldn't wait to just sleep. I slept for three hours straight with my precious Sugar baby by my side making me feel loved. I sure do adore that little miss fuzzy buns. :) So I began feeling better around noon and managed to actually eat this afternoon and this evening and keep everything down. Now I just feel super tired and weak. I hope tomorrow I'm back to normal because I have more soap to make for a private label order I'm filling.

After taking it easy most of the day and catching up on a good episode of Dr. Phil and Oprah, I am resting in the King's recliner, (if he was home he'd fight me for it) :) Brandon is goofin' around on his computer,

Ciara is playing the piano - music from Pan's Labrynth and Pirates of the Caribbean "Davy Jones" (love it)

and Sugar is dragging all her toys out and bringing them to me so I will fight her for them and throw 'em so she can go fetch them.

It's a relaxing night and even though I still feel a little punk, I'm enjoying it - but I miss my sweetie. He was in Los Angelos when he called to let me know his flight had landed safely. I was glad for that, but of course they lost his luggage so it was catching the next flight and he would have to wait for it - which meant that he could be late for the meeting he had scheduled. He wasn't too thrilled with that. He called later then and said he had dinner on the beach in San Diego. I have to admit, I'm just a little jealous that he's in Cali and I'm here in Kansas with the raging winds. My poor tulips are weather beaten. I watered them tonite and they didn't seem to care, they just hung there - as weary of the wind as I am. On a happier note, my chives are growing and greening up. Can't wait to get some fresh chives on a baked potato. YUMMY!

So here's what else is going on: the kids were on spring break and I loved it. I took a few days off with the kids and one day we went to Salina shopping. We are on a fairly tight budget here lately with his company being so kind as to issue paycuts and all... but we decided we needed to get away. The few things we purchased were bargains. I had a ball at Hobby Lobby. Mostly I bought a few things for scrapbooking (even managed to turn out about 6 pages in Brandon's book over spring break! He doesn't really appreciate it now, but I think he will one day - at least I hope he will). Also they had a lot of stuff on sale for 50% off so I got this adorable metal sign for my kitchen for only $5!! Can you believe that? It says "Bless this home and all who enter here" - which matches my wallpaper border and country kitchen decor perfectly. I was pretty happy with that buy. Then Luke met us for supper at Red Lobster. We only eat there about once a year, so that was quite a treat. Seafood is my all time favorite!!

My cute little bargain...

In his "free time" - Luke's been trying to finish the basement. Here's what's going on down there. My man is a sheet rockin' maniac! He truly does amaze me, and does nice work. He accidentally cut the piece for the light switch wrong and patched it so well that no one will ever know. If you saw it - you'd be totally impressed. He also built a beautiful landing out of scrap pecan wood. It's beautiful! I just can't wait until the whole thing is done. Doesn't it look great so far? I'll definitely post finished pix.

Honey Man's Handiwork.

The thing I don't like about these projects (besides the expense) is the mess. UGH. Here's the family room.

Everything is pulled off the walls and stuck in the middle of the room, I hate how messy it looks. Also, I have 5 gallons of "sycamore grove" greyish tan paint sitting in my kitchen at the top of the stairs waiting to be texture sprayed on the walls going down the stairs and on the walls around my soap shop and around to the other corner of the storage room. The bad news is that we probably still have 20+ feet of sheetrock to hang on the long wall. Can't wait until this project is complete. It's gonna look nice. Eventually we'll finish the ceiling too and I won't have to look at rafters any more. That probably bugs me the most.

YUCK.

Also over spring break... we discovered that our laminate floor was ruined in front of the dishwasher. Upon inspection we found that the floor was soaked underneath the dishwasher.

Here you see the "hole" where my dishwasher once was... complete with fan for drying the wet floor.

Luke pulled it out and took it out into our machine shed and gave it a look over. He couldnt' tell where the water was coming from - but the machine is old and we didn't want to take a chance of there being a hole in the tub or something and having it ruin more flooring. So... we had to bite the bullet and replace it. Plus the pegs that you stack dishes on were starting to all break off. Annoying. We did get a great deal at the maytag store since the dishwasher was on sale and I guess it's making good use of some of our tax refund. I'm excited about the fact that it's supposed to run quietly - the old one sounded like a freight train going through the house. Can't say I'm not glad about having a new dishwasher, it's just that it was an unplanned expense. It will probably get installed over the weekend since my handyman is out of town on business.

Brandon gleefully announced this evening that his 15th birthday is in 17 days and there are 60 days left until school is out for the summer. :) He has been driving as much as possible so that he can get his school permit. He's only got about 23 hours of driving in and needs a total of 50 - so I hope he can get that all in over the summer and be ready to drive himself to school next fall. *sigh* I can't believe my baby is gonna be driving. It's scary. Recently a friend's 15 year old daughter was in a car accident with a friend on the way home from youth group and the friend was killed. So sad. That's a hard thing for a momma to do... puttin' babies out on the road, but Brandon is a pretty good driver. I know I can't keep him from all the "scary" growing up stuff, so I'll just double up on the prayin'. ;)

Ciara is in full swing of preparation for graduation and college. We've got her pre-enrollment event at Fort Hays the middle of April - that should be fun. I'm so proud of her... she's got her first 2 years of college paid for except for books. We're still hoping that she'll receive at least 1 other scholarship to cover books. I'm also relieved that her financial aid package has come through and it looks good. (Thank you Lord!) I didn't know getting a kid ready for college could be so involved, but now I'll know what to do again next year so that's the up side.

I began planning Ciara's graduation reception and apparently it wasn't soon enough. We live 10 miles from the school and there is not a single place in town that hasn't been rented already by other kids that live in the country. BUMMER. One church that we've visited some and our kids have gone to camp with their kids refused to allow us to rent their fellowship room because we are not "church members" This was just a little disheartening. It wasn't a liability to drive our kids to Missouri, but apparently it's a huge liability to let us use their space??? I think the whole thing boiled down to the fact that we're not "members". Why do churches get so hung up on that? Renting a room in your building is an enormous outreach to the community, that is if you WANT to be a part of the community. These kinds of churches wonder why they never grow. *sigh* Sometimes the attitudes of Christians really get me riled up. In the end my uncle and aunt were kind enough to offer their extremely clean shop to have the reception in. It will be a very casual event, but I think that's alright - we're pretty laid back people ourselves. I just hope we don't have the same kind of wind we've been having or it will be impossible to do any decorating as the big doors will probably be open to keep it cool - unless it is a cool or rainy day. We'll roll with it, I'm just so glad that we will be in town and don't have to expect everyone to drive 20 miles round trip to get to our house for the festivities. Looking forward to seeing lots of family we haven't seen in a long time. Wow... the clock is ticking and May will be here in no time!

Well... that's it for now. I've been working on this post off and on for several hours as I did other stuff (such as let the dog out at half a dozen times, ha ha) and now it's passed bed time. My head is whirling with all the upcoming events. I think I might be able to breathe easier about June 1st when my long list of activities is nearly complete. :)

On to State!

Brandon and Ciara take 1st place in IDA
at MCL Forensics tournament on March 9th!

IDA is "improvised duet acting". When the kids get to the tournament, they have to "draw". They are drawing for person, place and situation and then they have 30 minutes to think up a story with a plot, name the characters and then perform a skit in front of judges that is a minimum of 4 minutes and a maximum of 7 minutes. This process happens 3 times at the tournament - then they find out if they've qualified for finals - which means they are guaranteed to place and receive a medal. Only 1st and 2nd place can qualify for state. I was so proud of the two of them. The thing is... they've been acting, putting on plays, making videos and doing silly stuff together since they were old enough to speak so they make a dynamic duo! :)

State Forensics will be in Topeka on May 2nd and we're looking forward to being there to see them perform. Whatever the outcome, their parents are VERY VERY PROUD!

Oh yes, our children have a flair for the dramatic! ;)

Precious Words

Boy, a week sure flies by, it's that time again... Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane. If you'd like to join in the fun... simply click on the button above for more instructions!

Mommy... HELP! These are the precious words I've been hearing for years and years in some form or another. In the photo below, Ciara must have been between 2 and 3 years old. She had a sweet, squeaky little voice that melted my heart. I was going about my business one day... tidying up the house, taking care of baby Brandon (who will soon be 15!) or whatever it was I had going on that day in our home, I don't quite remember, but I do remember hearing that little voice belt across the house, "Mommy!! Help, Mommy!" She was frantic and of course I went running to see what tragedy lurked in her bedroom. When I came through the door this is what I saw:


Apparently she thought it would be a good idea to crawl into her little dresser drawer, but then had gotten herself stuck. Being the wonderful mother I am, I didn't want to miss such a fantastic photo opportunity so I quick grabbed the camera and giggled as I snapped this most memorable shot. :) In my defense, she wasn't in any REAL danger. Of course I rescued her promptly and showered her with hugs, then advised her not to crawl into the drawers again. I was her hero that day.

Since the drawer incident I've "rescued" my little angel many times, both physically and emotionally. We are not just mother and daughter, we are friends... close. I'm so glad that she feels like I am someone she can cry out to - "Mommy... help!" I always want to be there when she falls, when she finds herself in a tight spot, when she just needs to know that someone loves her unconditionally... no matter what she gets herself into. She is nearly grown and will be on her own all too soon now and it would seem that she is looking to be rescued less and less by her mother I recognize that this is the natural progression of things. She's learning to look out for herself and I'm so proud of the woman she's become.

On May 16th, she will graduate from high school. I know that day will be bittersweet for me, even though I embrace this new season of life. I guess I just never want her to quit calling for me, because I need to be needed. Not in an unhealthy way... but in a momma way, and the truth is that she truly doesn't need me as much as she used to. As hard as that reality is for Moms to deal with, I know that's how it's supposed to be. The relationships don't end... a child's need for their mother, no matter the age, doesn't go away... it just changes. I've often found myself longing to go back in time to the days of potty training and teething. I don't know, it just seemed it would be easier to cope with than the challenge of raising teenagers - but the truth is I love it all... every crazy stage of life I go through with my kids. My observation is that the older they are the more difficult the challenges are, but it is also a true joy all at the same time. The time we spend with small children is so short that we MUST enjoy it while we can because in the snap of a finger they're all grown up and there are no "do overs".

I suppose one day my "little girl" will marry and have children of her own... I hope that she will still call out those precious words to me then as she always has... "Mom... help." I can't wait to be there for her through all the changes in her own life and as she raises her own babies. Wow... then I'll be called Grandma, and those are precious words too.

"Greener Grass"

" The grass isn't greener on the other side - the grass is greener where we water and fertilize it" Lysa TerKeurst


SO SO TRUE! I read this on Lysa TerKeurst's blog this morning and loved it. She was referring to marriage relationships, but I think this could be applied to many areas of our lives. Just a little food for thought today. ;) Hope your day is a great one!

Pim's ~ Wal-mart's Best Kept Secret

I stumbled onto these scrumptious little cookies a while back and I would have to say that they've got to be one of the tastiest little treats and best comfort foods ever created. There are 3 layers. The bottom layer is soft cakey cookie, the center - tart, raspberry fruit filling, and then it's topped off with a dark chocolate shell. MMMMM!!! Believe it or not, 2 cookies is only 100 calories. Now I'm not suggesting that a person sit and eat a whole package, though there are only 12 cookies. :) They're a bit expensive for a pkg. of 12 - but these aren't your every day cookies, they're definitely a treat or special occasion cookie. Delicious with a nice cup of English Breakfast Tea.

I really just felt something so amazing should be shared, they also come in orange or pear - I haven't tried the orange, and our store doesn't sell the pear (though I think they would be the best!) So... if you try these you'll have to let me know what you think!

Snow Date

If you'd like to be a part of Wednesday's Walk ... just click on the photo above for instructions. You should do it... it's FUN!

"Us" working our mall jobs - 1989

Yup, this is us, back in the day - check out all the hair we had goin' on! It's true, we met at the mall. "Officially". I had SEEN Luke at the party of a friends and thought he was cute, but had no idea who he was. All I knew is that he was wearing sky blue high top converse tennies and he was CUTE! Right before we began dating he started his job next door to mine. I was a sales clerk at Maurices, my part time college job - and he worked at Kinney Shoes - it was his, "oops... I spent all my student loan money the first semester of college so now I need a job-job" Who'd have guessed that less than 2 years later after these pix were taken, he'd be my husband?! The young skater fella in the photo with Luke is my brother, Jarrod. He was just a youngster. :) So it begins... the story of Luke and Jami.

SNOW DATE

Our first date was on February 24, 1989 – 20 years ago! I can’t believe that much time has passed since my husband invited me to go sledding with him and his friend Chad, and Chad’s girlfriend Shelly (who also happened to be a friend of mine). We lived in Norfolk, Nebraska at the time and I was working at Maurices in the Mall selling women’s clothing. I was scheduled to work that day and Luke had come over and insisted that I HAD to go with them. I argued that I was scheduled to work, and being the bad influence he was *wink* he encouraged me to call in sick. Well, I didn’t want to be irresponsible, but I REALLY wanted to go and it was snowing and blustery that day. Knowing Mall business, there wouldn’t be too many people out and about. So I called my boss and she said not to bother coming in because business was dead. WAHOO! I got to go. I was really excited because this would be our first official date. We had been friends for a while and then there was the time that he drove me home and we talked in his car for 2 hours and then I invited him in and he stayed until about 3 a.m. just talking. Maybe we’re all talked out, because we don’t talk nearly as much any more. I guess after 20 years you probably know most everything about a person? Ha ha… but we would go sledding with our friends and life as we know it would never be the same.

We jumped in the back of Chad’s old car, I don’t remember what kind it was but I’m sure Luke does. It was about a 3 hour trip and we held hands on the way. It was sweet… being a college guy, he didn’t seem to be like the rest and I was glad to be in the company of a young man so considerate and sweet. (and CUTE!) We made snow angels, threw snow balls, built snow tunnels and then sledded through them. It was a blast. I knew already then that something was different… I felt like we had known each other forever. I still remember the ugly white, pointy toed, lace up ankle boots I was wearing, the fun we had, how he made me laugh, the way he looked at me and I felt like the only girl on the face of the planet. As a teenager girl I asked my mom so many times how to know if you’re truly in love. She would always say, “You’ll just KNOW”. I hated that answer because it didn’t make sense to me. But for the first time ever… only a short time after returning from our snow date… that answer made sense to me. I realized I couldn’t live my life without Luke Hespe. We knew after only a couple of months that we would spend our life together and we made it official when he proposed to me in July of 1989. (that’s right, only about 5 months after our snow date!) We were married the following April. No regrets. Our marriage has had its ups and downs, but mom was still right – YOU JUST KNOW.

Me and my man... 20 years later

The Promise of Spring

I've had the winter blahs lately and quite honestly I've felt a little bummed out. My spirits were lifted, however, when I went out to get the mail and noticed the field across the chalk road greening up and my lilac bushes budding!! YAY... new life, the promise of Spring. I love it and can't wait for it! I always marvel at how God gives us seasons to enjoy as well as the beauty of his creation. Whether it be the gorgeous Rocky Mountains of Colorado or the stunning sunsets in the prairie lands of Kansas... it is His handiwork and I have a true appreciation for it all! I know I'll feel better when I can get out and soak up the sun and take in the fresh air rather than feeling cooped up and sitting under a blanket to keep warm. I am hopeful!

I have this verse on my fridge as a reminder and thought I'd share it with you in case you've got the winter blahs (or blues) too! :)

"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God." (Psalm 42:11 - The Message)