Many are the plans in a man's heart...

But it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (proverbs 19:21)

Yeah, we've had lots of plans - we want to finish our fenced in patio, pour a sidewalk from the house to the machine shed, plant some trees, redo our main bath - complete with a tub deep enough for soaking, replace the deteriorating shower in our master bath, get new carpet on the main floor, finish the basement and the most exciting of them all - for our vacation this year... take our kids for 2 "firsts": first time on an airplane and first seeing the ocean. Well... those were the plans WE had, but it doesn't look like these things will happen. I pray that the Lord does have a purpose in this. I'm reminding myself to be anxious for nothing... but I find myself feeling quite anxious. I woke up the other morning dizzy and nauseous and this doesn't happen very often, but when it does it seems I am nearly always stirred up about something big or a lot of little somethings.

We are the kind of family that has to work very hard for what we have and while we live a comfortable life and our NEEDS are always met, the finances are usually pretty tight. My husband's company announced recently that they would no longer be matching 401K. FOOEY. That kinda stinks because they already told him that nobody gets the bonuses or pay raises they were promised. With the economy as is, we are sincerely grateful that we have a source of income right now - many people have been laid off and are losing their homes and can't find work and have no idea how they will even provide for their family. It breaks my heart that times are so tough. I thought that after Christmas when my sales were so fantastic and I heard complaints all around about how sales were down. I guess I shouldn't have been so foolish to think that it wouldn't catch up with us too - lots of people are hurtin'.

For whatever reason (divine subliminal thoughts?) I got it in my mind this last week that I should begin looking for a part time job. I know, I am running my soap business... but it would seem that people are buying necessities more than "extras" right now so things have been pretty slow for me. My January sales were just sad and I actually felt concerned about how the dollars would stretch - but I made it ok and am praying that things begin looking up for February and the months to follow into the spring. I don't know... I just feel I need to be smart about this and I am capable of contributing to this family, so why not? So, I talked to honey man about it and of course he doesn't love the idea of me going out and looking for work, but realizes that it really would help our family. We've got a child getting ready to start college in the fall and wow... it's a bit overwhelming. I got online and found some job openings for part time office positions that I thought looked promising. All applications and resumes have been submitted, so now I guess I just wait for someone to decide they are impressed by my credentials and call me for an interview. It's been a seriously long time since I've applied for a job (about 5 years) so I had to update my resume. This presented a challenge because I couldn't remember specific dates. Geesh... some of these work experiences were a loooong time ago. But... I did get it done and got them sent off for all 5 potential positions.

The day after I made the decision to look for part time work it became clear to me why I felt the need to do this. Honey got a call saying that all employees in his company will be taking a 5% pay cut. WHAT?? pay CUT??? UGH!!! You cannot be serious. I guess for a couple of days I just felt numb about it like... "what can we do... they took away our retirement, now they're taking away $$" I think it's finally sinking in. We called and had our investment company quit taking $ out of our paycheck to put into 401K. It really kinda makes me sick, because one day we are going to need that, but we need it now to supplement what's been taken away. You just do what you gotta do, right? Surely the Lord has a fabulous plan and his purpose will prevail in the end! I trust that it will, because he has been proven faithful to our family time and again. Praise Him for that!!

Looking at the glass half full... they are cutting back travel expenses and my man will only travel away from home 1 week out of the next 4, I guess that's good. Ok, that maybe lightens the blow a little. ?? Trying to think positive here. :) Please pray for my potential job opportunities, and especially for my husband, that he wouldn't be angry and discouraged, and that our needs will continue to be met and that our eyes are wide open to what it is that we're supposed to be learning or gaining from this trial. Right now it just feels like a trial and not a blessing - but my prayer is that God will turn it into one in His time.

Heartsick

I seriously feel heartsick today. There are so many things about this world that I don't understand, but this topic is the mother of all "I don't get it" 's. *sigh* I'll warn you... this is going to be a passionate post, so if you don't wanna hear it... that's up to you. I know it's controversial, but I'm goin' there. I have to.

I was in the kitchen this morning putting together some cupcakes and doggie birthday cake for my precious Shoogie's birthday party. She's 1 year old today!! :) Anyway, more on that later. Luke was in the bedroom getting dressed and watching FOX News as he does every morning, he yells down the hall..."Hey, Jami...guess what Obama's doin' today?" I'm thinking that I would have no idea, so I yell back, "what?". He informed me that a bill was being signed to overturn the bill that President Bush put in motion when he was president. Ya know, the one about the government funding abortions. UGH!!!! Are you serious? Our nation is in a financial crisis and we are going to give money (I believe the dollar amount was 3 billion) to people to "take care" of their "mistakes"?!! You have got to be kidding me. Obama supporters can argue all day long that he isn't big on abortion, but if this doesn't prove it, I don't know what does! He actually voted once for and twice didn't vote against - allowing partial birth abortion - in which babies that are still breathing and crying are left to die in a cold empty room - alone! I don't understand how anyone can saythat is OK. When pro-choicers are confronted with the subject of whether or not it is ok to take human life (aka abortion) many will argue that "you can't ban it because then people will just get abortions illegally, and what if the woman was raped?" Well... my response to that is... less than 1% of women that have abortions have been raped, statistics show that generally... the majority of women that are having abortions are doing it as a form of birth control as many of them have had multiple abortions.

Now here's where I start to get all sorts of wound up: Human rights vs. Animal rights.


I actually went online and looked up the animal rights laws for the great state of Kansas. Here's what I found (http://www.bullwrinkle.com/Assets/animallaws/kansaslaw.htm)

Kansas Anti-Cruelty Statutes
KANSAS STATUTES CHAPTER 21. CRIMES AND PUNISHMENTS
KANSAS CRIMINAL CODE (ARTICLES 31 TO 47)
PART II. PROHIBITED CONDUCT
ARTICLE 43. CRIMES AGAINST THE PUBLIC MORALS


21-4310. Cruelty to animals.
(a) Cruelty to animals is:

(1) Intentionally killing, injuring, maiming, torturing or mutilating any animal;


(2) abandoning or leaving any animal in any place without making provisions for its proper care;


(3) having physical custody of any animal and failing to provide such food, potable water, protection from the elements, opportunity for exercise and other care as is needed for the health or well-being of such kind of animal; or


(4) intentionally using a wire, pole, stick, rope or any other object to cause an equine to lose its balance or fall, for the purpose of sport or entertainment.


So let me get this straight... intentionally killing, injuring, maiming, torturing or mutilating any animal or abandoning or leaving any animal in any place without making provisions for its proper care isn't ok, but doing this to an unborn child is ok? Now I ask you, what is wrong with this world? A cat is protected, but human life is not. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm an animal lover, I practically kiss Shoogie and the cats until I get a hairball, so don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be animal cruelty laws, but what I get so sick about is that first part of the animal cruelty law where it says that it's against the law to, "intentionally kill, injure, maim, torture or mutilate an animal... and then our president wants to give our tax dollars to women so that they can do the same thing to unborn babies. I've seen abortion videos, there's no doubt about it... it is all those things! SICK SICK SICK. It makes me feel like vomiting. Furthermore, if someone kills a pregnant woman, it is double manslaughter. I find it interesting how the "fetus" suddenly then becomes a "baby". But if the Momma wants to kill it herself by having an abortion - NO PROBLEM! It's her choice afterall. I feel so helpless that nothing can be done to change this. The one thing I CAN do is pray - so I will.


Well, this is what is on my mind and on my heart today. Thanks for listening. :)





Precious





Far more precious!

ZERO

Yup...it's zero here today. -17 if you consider the wind chill. BRRR.

This morning I went with Luke to his LAST doctor's appointment for the broken leg. I nearly froze to death getting in and out of the car, and wore my gloves inside the building. But the good news is that he is doing great and doesn't have to go back. WOO HOO!! Next year about this time if the screws are bothering him they can go in and remove them, but as long as he feels fine, he doesn't need to go back. I'm so thankful that a year later he is mostly back to normal with the exception of an overcalcified bone "bump" on his shin.


Now... back to the cold. I'm tired of it. Mostly because I hate going out in it and it's a total pain that Ciara's car is cold blooded and has lots of problems in the winter time. Last week while Luke was in Atlanta, Ciara's car door gunk froze up and her door wouldn't shut. This happens every year about this time. ANNOYING!!! So basically you have to find a way to warm it up enough to stoften the goo in the latch so it will move and stay shut. Also, it doesn't like to start sometimes and the steering wheel squeals its disapproval of the cold. If the car isn't properly warmed up (15-20 minutes) she may as well not even try to drive it because then it has steering problems and roars like a lion. Most recently, the speedometer refuses to function in the cold. UGH!!! Seriously. While I'm thankful that my daughter even has a vehicle to drive (1995 Chrysler Cirrus) I'm annoyed that my 2002 SUV is parked outside or in the machine shed because her little cold-blooded beast demands to be kept in my warm garage, you know the one with the automatic garage door opener. *Sigh* So of course Luke is leaving town again tomorrow for the week. Looks like I may have to just put her car in the machine shed and stake claims on my warm garage if I'm going to have to be driving the kids to school anyway. I just don't think it's worth the fight, because even if her car is warm in the morning, it won't be after it's sat in the parking lot at the highschool for 8 hours. So... say a little prayer for Ciara's car and all of our sanity, because even if we could afford to do something for her, we would never be able to sell her Cirrus this time of year with all it's problems. The key is if we can sell it in the spring ... make sure it's nice and clean so that the new owner won't find out for a while that it doesn't like water either and dies when you go through the car wash or a big mud puddle. ha ha. Poor Ciara, but at least she has wheels right? ;) About 75% of the time it's fantastic.

So... I'm looking forward to some warmer temperatures coming up this week. It's supposed to actually get into the 20's and 30's eventually. YAY!!

Trojan Horse

UGH! I feel really annoyed this morning. I'm considering singing a song for our Christmas program at church. "Adoration" by the Newsboys. So, I went online to download the song so I could listen to it and see if I could swing it or not... 3 times in 5 minutes I had to shut down my computer because of.... (drum roll please...) STUPID TROJAN HORSE!!


Trojan horse From Wikipedia
This article refers to a form of malware in computing terminology. For other meanings, see Trojan Horse (disambiguation)In the context of computing and software, a Trojan horse, also known as a trojan, is malware that appears to perform a desirable function but in fact performs undisclosed malicious functions. Therefore, a computer worm or virus may be a Trojan horse. The term is derived from the classical story of the Trojan Horse.


I kept getting the box of death saying the the Trojan Horse virus was found on my computer then I had to click the button to tell it to "clean all". Of course a restart is required every time this happens. SERIOUSLY!! I just feel so irritated that I'm trying to listen to a Christian song and have to get a virus. Why do people use their brains for evil? I never could understand this... if you're smart enough to write code to destroy people's computers or at least damage them... why wouldn't you use that talent to do something amazingly good? It's beyond me.

So, I don't know. Will I sing adoration at our Christmas "dinner show"? We'll see.

Testing... Testing!

What's being tested is my patience. Thankfully my faith can't be shaken, so my patience and sanity is all that's left. We've had quite a fun time lately. (note hint of sarcasm) Here's a recap:

1. Getting ready for our Nebraska trip to see family - air conditioning goes out on the '02 Chevy Trailblazer.

2. We drive the "not so roomy" Toyota Tacoma to Springview, get home and decide that we'd like to trade our vehicle off instead of sinking more money into a gas guzzler. Visit the local Toyota dealer, spend 2 hours finding the "right" vehicle in which to trade and enter into a lease situation for, to find out that our trailblazer is basically worthless. The window sticker on this vehicle was $35,000 in 2002. We were told the trade value on this vehicle (only 6 years later) is $2,300 - but they're going to be generous (again, note hint of sarcasm) and give us $4,000 - oh please- don't do us any favors. We walk away.

3. We sleep on it - and the next a.m. - bummed that the deal didn't work out to trade for a Rav 4 - we decide that we're glad we actually like the blazer, minus the poor gas mileage, and so we take it to a chevy dealer to get the AC fixed. Also find out that we have a bad tie rod end, and 2 bad tires and that we'll need an alignment also. Grand total... $1,700. UGH.

4. After we drop the vehicle off, we come home to find out that we have no phone or internet service. (sigh) I am getting so tired of this. Every time the wind blows or it sprinkles, we lose service. So... we call a guy to come out and fix it.

5. I'm in the middle of goat milk soap batches and Ciara leaves to pick Brandon up from work at DQ - the phone rings... it's Ciara - she just got on interstate and has a flat tire. GOOD GRIEF!!!!

6. Luke leaves in his truck to go help Ciara. I try to call Brandon at work to let him know that Aunt Colleen is picking him up, but she'll be late since Ciara had car trouble. I have no phone service still... so I pick up my cell phone and it has a low battery. The phone guy wants to know what the password is for my internet router and the only person that has a clue is Luke, who is out changing Ciara's tire. So I plug in my phone and call him and get the password. I go to call Brandon - but have no number for DQ and it's not in the phone book so I have to call information first. (now I'm getting pretty grumpy.)

7. The phone guy says my phone works and is getting ready to leave. I ask about the internet service and he says that we're connected. I ask "are you sure? I can get my computer and check it." He says he just had his computer connected there at desk. I jokingly say, "so what's your address and phone number in case the internet doesn't work, that way I can hunt you down." We laugh and he leaves.

8. Luke gets home with Ciara and says that he got Ciara's car into town and that she will need new tires in addition to what he spent getting it back on the road.

9. I'm getting supper ready to throw on the grill and Luke discovers that he has low tires on his truck and that they're not holding air, so he has to plug 2 holes. (will it never end!?)

10. So at the end of the day when supper and dishes are done, (about 10 p.m.) I go to check my email and guess what? NO INTERNET!!!!!! (SCREAM!!!) So I get tech support on the phone and they have no record that someone has been here to work on our phone. No notes to let anyone know what the guy did or that he was even here. UGH!!! I was on the phone with tech support for over an hour before Luke got in the house from weed whipping and I let him take over trying to figure out why I have no wireless internet. 45 minutes later he's done and it's fixed. We sit in the chair to relax after a gruelling day and fall asleep. Wake up at 1:30 a.m. and go to bed.

Today has to be a better day, it couldn't be worse than yesterday for sure. So I'm gonna praise God for all that is right in our life and trust him with all that isn't.

Swingtown... Sickening

There's a new show airing on CBS the first week of June and it makes me sick every time the trailer plays. It's called SWINGTOWN, and based on what I've seen so far (I've no desire to see the show)it just makes my stomach turn.


Here's what CBS says about it's upcoming "crowd pleaser":
"SWINGTOWN, from the director of "Big Love" and "Rome," traces two generations of friends and neighbors as they forge intimate connections and explore new freedoms during the culturally transformative decade of the 1970s. It portrays the ever-shifting “swing” of the pendulum that reflected the change in America's collective value system -- morally, politically and socially.After moving to an upscale lakeside Chicago suburb in July of 1976, Susan and Bruce Miller must confront temptation in the form of their provocative new neighbors, Tom and Trina Decker, while not abandoning their old friends Janet and Roger Thompson. As the adult couples evaluate whether to embrace or avoid newfound personal freedoms, the curious Miller and Thompson children begin to discover and assert their own morality and sexual identities as they come of age in a world on the precipice of change. In a shifting social climate -- defined by its music, fashion and style -- everyone in SWINGTOWN is confronted with personal choices, experimentation and varying attitudes."

TV.COM says: "This new period drama takes viewers back to the 1970s for a look at suburban households testing the murky waters of sexual revolution following swingers throughout open marriages, "key parties" and other swingers extravaganzas"

Seriously... and we wonder why there is no value placed on marriage these days?!! What message is this sending to our teenagers? In a world where "everyone is 'doing it'" - we are sending out yet another message that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping around... and worse yet, that it's ok to be unfaithful in marriage. DISGUSTING! I'm totally disappointed in CBS for airing such garbage.Of course I have a choice about what I allow into my home, and this show (among others) will not be viewed on the Hespe's TV. Makes me wonder... what's next?

Integrity

Webster's dictionary says that integrity is:

1.intactness. 2. firmness of character, honesty.

I say that it's doing what you say you're going to do and not doing what you say you're not going to do. I remember when someone's "word" meant something. Not anymore. I get so frustrated with people in this world that have no integrity, and today I just need to vent.

OK...so last January Luke was attempting to fix a drippy shower head in our master bath shower, somehow the wrench slipped out of his hand and made a big hole in the bottom of our shower. Well, obviously the shower can't be used this way, so I look in the phone book for bathtub repair, I have no idea if there is such thing, but I start digging in the yellow pages anyway. I find a company called BathCrest. I call and the lady comes out and makes the repair on the shower - patching it with fiberglass and sanding it and refinishing it. When she gets done, I look in and it doesn't match and that spot is shinier than all the rest of the shower. She says, " that'll be $130.00" (to fix a 4 inch hole) I'm thinking Geesh! But the shower was useless before the repair so I pay it. A week or 2 later we discover that water is dripping into the basement onto the foosball table. She had missed a crack. We call to get her back out here to finish the job and set up a time. We were headed to Nebraska that Saturday, but I told her come on out my mom will let you in so you can make the repair. She agreed. When we get home we see about a 3x16 inch strip of black, rough material in the shower. Um... what's going on here? Mom said that the lady told her we should try it and make sure it doesn't leak, then she'd come out and do the finish work. A week passed by and everything was fine. I've been trying to get her out here ever since. GRR!!!!!!!!!

I've called probably 25 or 30 times in the last year, leaving messages with her "answering service" aka... people who could care less. She would never return a call. In November, I finally wrote a letter and said look, we just want you to finish the job, a year is long enough. Still no response. So I put in one last phone call to her answering service and this time I asked them to write down word for word what I was saying. "If I do not hear from you by the end of next week... I will be calling the headquarters of this company and filing a formal complaint." No response. So I called the headquarters... they acted like there wasn't much they could do, but that they would call her and let her know that we were trying to get a hold of her. (Oh brother, I am ready to punch something or someone by this point) Wouldn't you know that she answered their phone call and I heard back from them the same day saying she'd be calling me. About a week later she called and had a list of excuses 5 miles long about why she couldn't get out here in the last year. (I'm thinking SAVE IT! I know... you've already been paid and you just don't care about our problem) She promised me that she would definitely be out here and have the job completed before Christmas. Guess what... it's still not done. I put in another phone call this morning to the answering service. Any bets on if I get a call back?

So... what is integrity and where can I find a person that has some?

Winter “Affections”

Winter, you’re early… oh how I love you!
My warm breath swirls in the air as I take you in.
Through frosty windows I marvel at the first snow,
each flake so unique, so perfect... so beautiful.
The pumpkins and trees are clothed with a shimmering, pearly coat.
Maybe we’ll have a white Christmas this year.

Winter… you’ve given us ice, we shiver.
The power lines weigh heavy,
and the evergreens bow down involuntarily from the weight.
Now a blanket of powdery snow covers the earth and everything in it.
It’s too magnificent not to share.
We’ll capture smiling faces with the frozen creek as our backdrop.
It’s amazing!
Oops, Ciara and I have both slipped on the ice –
her ankle throbs and my camera is broken.

Winter… you’ve dumped several inches of snow on us.
It was pretty as it came down, but how will we get out the door?
Brandon will spend hours shoveling alone,
as Luke’s broken leg won’t allow him to get out and help.
So my boy makes a path for us all as Trixie dog prances in the snow.
“Snow plow man” Grandpa Don and his bobcat clear the driveways.
Thank God for him!He also helps pick up the slack as Luke continues to heal.

Winter, why don’t you like me?
More snow and blizzard like conditions…
I haven’t seen this much winter weather in the last 5 years combined!
I’m worried about how the kids will get to school safely.
School is never delayed or called off for bad weather, how unnerving.
Should I keep the kids home or should I drive them myself
and hope that we’ll be alright?
Luke sits in the grassy median off interstate near Russell,
waiting for a tow truck to wench him and his Toyota Tacoma out.
I praise God that my husband is unharmed,
but I still feel anxious about him being on the road.
He travels on to Wichita alone… just him and his broken leg.
I hope that his cane and careful steps will keep him from falling -
on the ice that refuses to melt.

Winter – you’re giving us temperatures in the teens and single digits, BRR!
The snow won’t disappear we all complain about the cold.
As I brave the weather, the piercing air cuts right through my scarf
and coat - it chills me to the bone.
I can’t seem to get warm. Where is the sun? I miss it.
My lips burn from the howling, icy winds, my eyes sting and tear.
I scurry for shelter, shelter from you and the elements.
Where can I go to get away from you?

Winter… oh how I hate you!
You depress me, I’m so sick of you.
You’ve stolen autumn from me and cause me nothing but worry.
How dare you!I wish you’d go away, you are no longer welcome here.
I want to hear the birds sing,
I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face.
I want to go somewhere without piling on layers of clothing,
to protect myself from you. I want to breathe warm, fresh air that doesn’t stab my lungs and freeze my nostrils. Why did you have to come so early and when will you depart? It won’t be soon enough for me!
Oh, I do hate you, winter.

***************************************************************

I know how silly it is to say that I "hate" winter, but I wrote this poem for no reason other than to vent my frustrations with the miserable winter we've had so far. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but It's been rough and somewhat depressing already and I can hardly wait for spring. I just hope our spring lasts longer than our autumn did! Tina commented that we don't have fall in Kansas. Tell me about it! :)So there you have it... yet another - jamimania type rambling. :)

GRR!!

Ok, I know that "family stuff" comes up, but I feel really frustrated. I've been waiting more than 6 weeks to get in to see the neurologist - after all this time of wondering and trying to be patient - I get a phone call this morning that I will have to reschedule my appointment that was scheduled for Nov. 1st. GRR! Apparently the doctor had something come up that he had to leave town and the receptionist "hopes" that he will back in time for my rescheduled appointmet at 1:00 on November 7th. (sigh) Ok, I hope whatever the Doc. had to leave town for all works out, but I just wanna get this appointment over with so I know what I need to do next. After I received that phone call this morning, I thought to myself "I haven't prayed for patience recently have I?" *smile* Seems that whether I did or not, my patience is being tested for sure. At least it's only an extra week, for that I'm grateful. The bad thing is, Luke rescheduled his whole week of work to be here with me for the appointment and now he's supposed to be in Georgia next week on a work related trip, so most likely won't be able to come with me. GRR!

Enough growling... just thot I'd get an update to those of you who are trying to keep up with all this.... uh... "excitement" :) I'd still appreciate your prayers next week. Thanks in advance, for your prayer support, it means so much!

Jami

Rejoice!

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again; REJOICE!” (Phil. 4:4) This is the verse of the day today on my blog. What a great reminder that in the midst of everything (always… regardless of circumstances) we are to rejoice! No matter how rough things seem to get, there is always something to praise God for.

Today I’m praising God that none of Luke’s co-workers were hurt or killed in the Love Box fire yesterday. (God... you're awesome!) My biggest challenge is being still enough to hear his voice. Our world is so busy, and it shouts louder than God sometimes. It’s in the quiet moments, when the house is still and there are no guitars, pianos, kazoos, radios, or kids making noise – that I can truly feel as if I can tap in to what God has to say to me. Today I have an overwhelming sense that God would have me rejoice. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself because it’s just so darn hard to be the mom of teenagers! (GRR) I have to say that I mostly feel unappreciated and dumb. What a complete struggle it is some days. You just don’t think that your precious angels will ever change from “I love you Mommy, You’re the best Mommy in the world, I never want to move away from you and daddy because I’ll miss you too much”… to… snorts, stomps, scowls, grouchiness, sullen or “you’re so stupid” facial expressions, and exclamations of “I can’t wait to move out!”
(it would seem that there isn’t a place far enough away!)

I have nearly always thought that I was a fabulous mom, apparently that one is up for debate. I do so love my “babies”, they truly are good kids, and I recognize that things could be so much worse. My kids don’t drink or do drugs, they desire to live a pure life in a world that is saturated with sex. (UGH!) I guess what I’m trying to say is… even though parenting teenagers is a challenge, it has its definite rewards. On a drama free day our kids are loads of fun! They have such a weird, wacky and fun sense of humor and keep us laughing. We can also have intelligent conversations and go places and do things that we couldn’t do when they were younger. So… I shall rejoice, because one day my children will be adults and possibly even parents… and they will KNOW how hard it is. And perhaps their mother will be fabulous once again!

What do YOU think? Is there something you're rejoicing about?