Everyone's Friend?

Recently I was saddened when I came to the realization that there's a person in my life that I will never win over. They will never be my friend in the true sense of the word. This person, for whatever reason, just doesn't want much to do with me. I keep asking myself what I've ever said or done to have earned such disdain by this person... and I can't for the life of me think of anything that would make this person have such ugly feelings about me. I go out of my way to be friendly and kind... but it just doesn't seem to make a difference. Even when they are the nastiest, I repay it it with kindness and a smile to try to turn the situation around. The people that really know me, and know my heart understand that I am a tender person, thin-skinned even. It just doesn't take a whole lot to hurt my feelings, I am easily wounded. Now before you get all paranoid... just know that it's probably NOT YOU!! :)I'm not sure this person would even want to read my blog. So anyhoo... as I came to this realization, lots of old buried feelings resurfaced.


When I was in gradeschool I wanted to be everyone's friend. If I thought for a second that someone didn't like me it would send me into a tizzy. This was particularly tricky because as luck would have it... my mom gave me my haircuts until I was in upper grade school and into jr. high. I remember being told by the old ignorant woman at the historical society fashion show that "the boys restroom is that way." Yes... I looked like a boy. My hair was very short, I wore glasses, had crossed teeth that stuck out in the front and to make matters worse... was tall, skinny and dorky. Kids are cruel and the ones at my school were no exception. Ever see the movie "Mean Girls"? I'm not sure exactly how many days out of the week I returned home from school in tears because of the kids that made fun of me. Me and my hair and my glasses and my ugly clothes. The girls in my class all wore designer jeans from the department store and mine were purchased on sale from Alco or K-mart and usually had some kind of ugly alligator emblem or other hideous thing on the pocket. It seems so insignificant now, but then it meant everything. Mom would say, "you're beautiful, if they can't see that then that's their problem." That was easy for her to say, she wasn't the one that endured verbal lashinsg on a daily basis. One girl actually (amongst a group of giggling mean girls) actually had the nerve to ask me why I wore such ugly clothes. I can still recall the hot tears that followed that question and I still remember the names of those girls like it was yesterday. Seems like after episodes like the one I just described, too numerous to mention, I would have eventually quit trying to be liked by everyone, but I never stopped.

I carried my wounded pride and hurt feelings around with me for a long time. I felt paranoid all the time that someone was sizing me up and judging my appearance and that as usual... I fell short of their ideal. Why that was so important to me, I'm not sure. Thankfully my physical appearance improved drastically in Junior High when I was able to grow my hair long and get contact lenses. In high school I got braces, and a job so I could buy "cool clothes" and actually wound up being moderately popular. Still... I sought the approval of everyone around me... friends, family, people that I barely knew or had just met. Because I was such a people pleaser, I got hurt a lot. It seems I was always disappointing someone or letting someone down. I tried and tried... but somehow it was never enough.

It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I learned I didn't have to be liked by everyone and that I didn't have to try to win everyone over as a friend. I read a bible verse that went somethin' like this, "Do I now live to please man or God, for if I live to please man, I am not a bondservant of Christ." Whoa! I only have to please God? REVELATION!! I was very freed by this verse and enjoyed the new life I discovered once I quit trying to please everyone and allowing myself to be guilted into things in an effort to gain someone's approval. Afterall... in an effort to please these people, I made myself miserable.

I still catch myself playing the "approval game" sometimes, ya know the one I've been describing where I try to turn everyone into my friend? The simple truth is that there is always going to be someone that doesn't like you for whatever reason, and that you should seek to please God first and if you please others in the process that's just a bonus. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting that people be self-centered and ignorant, but I'm just saying that we don't HAVE to be EVERYONE's friend. In the process I also learned that "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Sam 16:7)That verse means a lot to me, because I'm just so thankful that God looks at my heart and knows my heart. His love is unconditional and doesn't depend on what kind of clothes I wear or how my hair looks. I have God's approval! (because I am His, he looks at me through "Jesus colored glasses") He is my friend!! "I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you." (John 15:15-16)

So when someone is not my friend... it's ok. God knows my heart and he CHOSE to be my friend. Guess I just needed the reminder.